Armageddon Review

 

        It’s November again, and slowly but surely, I’m getting old. Around this time is when I talk about the films that I liked the most. While you can say that sometimes in any month, I sprinkle in something that I like. Now, I’m going about it differently. Throughout the month, I’ll be talking about the films that I grew up with. Some of them were when my parents exposed them to me. And seeing them in an odd fashion. This is one of those of films. Specifically, this is the first time I talk about Michael Bay. 

1. Oil Drillers: Defenders of the Earth

        So, how did I get exposed to this film? Well, it was of all places, the National Geographic channel. They had a special documentary about movie science. They analyzed the movie science and tried to apply it to actual science. This specific one, looked at all the disaster movies and applied them to science to see if they were scientific. They weren’t but that’s not the point. One shot had a space shuttle fly into an asteroid and that looked cool. 

        Along with that shot, there was also this computer-generated shot of the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs. They way it looked, had me so enthralled that I wanted to replay that so many times. Any explosion is worthy of the replay. I’m so glad that there’s the function on YouTube where you can manipulate the video. 

        Anyways, I’m rambling on explosions of all things. The film is very straightforward for a Michael Bay film. I’ll talk about him in a moment. An asteroid is barreling towards Earth in a span of two weeks. The head of NASA, Truman, finds a group of oil drillers led by Bruce Willis’ character to partake in this life-or-death situation. 

        Now reading that, you and I know that it sounds completely bonkers of a story. It can either be good, or really stupid. Like, if you really think about it. Why would NASA get oil drillers instead of actual astronauts? I’ll go off on this tangent when I talk about quite possibly the best audio commentary for the film. 

        It’s obvious that the film has problems. Scientific inaccuracies notwithstanding, the biggest problem is that the tone is all over the place. I feel that in one way that the film tries to take itself seriously given the situation at hand. In an odd way, the cast of oil drillers are the best and worst thing in the whole movie. The best thing about them is the whole chemistry. You believe that they are like close brothers and the camaraderie is second to none. 

        I think what makes them work is that they all have a distinct personality. While we don’t get scenes of them individually. Some of them we do, but I think it was just the billing of the actors. Ben Affleck gets the most screentime among the roughneck, and I don’t blame him since he was put there to counterbalance the level of machismo the film has got going for it. And that’s the reason why the film doesn’t work. 

        You have these moments of masculinity, romance, and science that it feels conflicting as hell. The whole film has these roughnecks doing all these crazy things. Like, the moments when NASA is figuring out the asteroid, it cuts to what’s going on in the oil rig Willis’ character is doing. Compounding it is Affleck having the hots for Liv Tyler’s character. I feel that she doesn’t really contribute much to the whole story but provides fodder when the whole mission goes south. 

2. Michael Bay

        You may have heard of the guy. I mean who hasn’t, he’s the only director that made explosions his whole career. Not to sell him short, but he did contribute to the action genre in the early 90s with the release of Bad Boys and The Rock. And you must keep in mind that disaster movies where everywhere in that time. It only made sense that Disney would give him a carte blanche and make his own disaster movie. 

        Having watch some of his movies stretching from his Transformers films to his lesser ones called The Island. The thing I notice about his films is just how the people are portrayed. It can literally be stereotypes and basic character tokens. It’s bad when if you have a background character act stereotypically black that it feels demeaning. Or having the only Russian character act belligerent when trying to fix the space shuttle. 

        It’s one thing to watch his movies, and it’s another when you get a headache. This film has so many cuts to different camera angles where my god it’s too much. The dialogue scenes too have this issue. Like when Willis’ character confronts Affleck’s about sleeping with his daughter. The whole moment is in the room and we cut back and forth to the characters with different angles, like I yearn for just a simple one take of dialogue with camera movement. 

        Instead, everything has to look cool for the sake of looking cool. Mission Control is all dark, which makes me think that they forgot to pay the light bill. The drillers can’t go using a standard astronaut suit, they have custom ones built that are a lot thinner than what we’re used to. It’s impractical and nonsensical since there’s a moment when they’re told to use an equipment for balance. And it’s not used, once. 

        Now, obviously what I’m writing is a take down of this movie. Although, what makes Michael Bay get away with it is that he shoots for the entertainment value. His movies are art in a technical sense. Camera and stunt work are all admirable when it doesn’t feel convoluted. Although the one thing he focuses on is the action and that’s his weakness. Character depth and good dialogue are all thrown out for the sake of looking cool. In his films, there’s nothing where you can pinpoint where it’s a movie that’s universally beloved. It has just one dedicated audience that loves the action, muscle and sometimes voyeur moments of the women. 

3. The Best Commentary You’ll Hear

        This part makes watching the movie worth it when hearing someone other than the director talking about it. In the DVD, Ben Affleck gives commentary on working on the film. And man, he doesn’t deserve to be as funny as he makes himself to be in the commentary. At times, he pokes holes at the overall story and delves into the mind of Bay. The best part is when he asks him why NASA needed oil drillers, which prompts Bay to tell him to shut the “f” up. 

4. Overall

        Armageddon is dated, bad even. It holds a place as a so bad it’s good since it has quality special effects and a good enough story. Bottom line, it’s a guilty pleasure.